Tom Gloger on Discipline
(Under Construction)
This has got to be my weakest subject, because
every child is different and I've only had two. Two very
different
ones, I might add. Both girls. So your mileage may vary. But here goes.
- Never shake a child. Their bodies cannot take
it, and it can cause spinal
cord damage or even death. Logically, this item belongs
below the next one, but it's too important not to cover first. I'm
glad to say I'm taking the word of experts on this one, and don't know
it from experience.
- Don't go overboard on the first offense, if they didn't know
it was wrong. But first, make sure they know what it is you don't like!
- Spanking is for children who know they are doing wrong, but
do it anyway. If they are not mature enough to reason with, it is
an effective attention getter.
- Only use the hand. If your hand can't take it, maybe
it's time to take a different approach, such as time spent in the corner.
- The bottom is well padded, and the only suitable place on
the body for spanking.
- Give toddlers the benefit of a diaper. Once they're
out of diapers, the lack of protection will probably open their eyes a little.
- Anger and spanking is a bad combination.
- Don't spank a child for crying. It makes absolutely no sense. For babies, that's their only means of communication. For the rest, it only makes
things worse. It takes time to stop crying.
So say your toddler knows the knobs on the entertainment
center are off-limits. But he goes there anyway, and starts to reach for them. You say "No!" He looks at you and smiles, but keeps reaching. If you've already spanked him once or twice, chances are all you have to do is start to stand up, and he'll get the message.
Once a child gets older, reduction of privileges is more effective.
Anger can make almost anyone exaggerate. I found when I was angry, the best thing was to call a time out for both of us, during which both sides should consider the validity of their position. This was often followed by a reasoned, if edgy, discussion of the differences, and sometimes at least partial apologies from both sides. It is important that you demonstrate for your children the proper way to handle being wrong.
Last updated 22 Sept. 2002. Still needs work. Differing opinions are welcomed.