Tom Gloger as Dad

Above all else, love your spouse, love your children, and take time for them even when you want to take it all for yourself.  This is an essential part toward building a solid foundation that will help your relationships survive the difficult years, making life better for all of you.  So if you think about it that way, taking time for them is taking time for yourself.  You will also each need some time apart, but not too much.  Some one-on-one time is good too.

One of the problems of being a parent is that by the time you're qualified for the job, it's nearly over.  Click here to see a few ideas that have made common activities a little easier.

Here, in roughly age-related order, are a few more things I've had to learn along the way, some of them more than once.  I hope they help you, too.

1. Are you a father-to-be?  Before each child arrives, make sure you know not just the names you have chosen, but how they are to be spelled.  This was one of the things I had to learn twice.  Megan was supposed to be Meaghan and Debra was supposed to be Deborah.
2. Pregnancy is a difficult time, and from what I've heard, it can be even harder on the mother.  So try to make it as easy as you can for your wife.  Oh, and don't go thinking that when the baby finally arrives and the pregnancy is over, that things will get back to normal.  Sorry!  Normalcy is now going to take two or three times as long, and there ain't no way you can make it go faster unless maybe you help.
3. Sooner or later, you're liable to be called upon to change a diaper.  Buck up there, son!  In the immortal words of John Wayne (or was it Gary Cooper?) "It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it."  Or maybe it was "Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."  In either case, look on it as an opportunity to prove you've got what it takes to tackle a dirty job.  Oh yeah, and be prepared for that extra pee that comes when the cold air hits their little whatchamacallit.
4. Those unpleasant messes that babies occasionally make are generally involuntary, so getting angry at them or scolding them for it is out-of-line.  Let them know you love them anyway.
5. Not all the noises a baby makes are crying.  Some are what Rose's Aunt Mary called "singing."  Listen, you can hear the difference.
6. Never get angry at a child for crying.  For babies, that's their only means of communication.  For the rest, it only makes things worse.  It takes time to stop crying.
7. The "Terrible Twos" are a child's way of saying "Look, Mommy, I can say 'no' all by myself."  It's part of mastering life's skills, and they need to learn when it's appropriate.  And sometimes it is.
8. The "Terrible Threes" are a child's way of saying "Look, Mommy, I can change my mind all by myself."  Same as above.
9. During childhood diseases, don't overlook distraction as a pain reliever.  When my oldest came down with chickenpox, we countered the itchiness with video tapes of cartoons, until she was well enough to sit up and play Monopoly.®  (Guess who got the "You took second place in a Beauty pageant" card?)  We still have the rule that if any one of us gets sick, he or she can request a movie.
   Stories told aloud also work.
10. When a child is old enough to willfully disobey (but not old enough to reason with) make sure they know you're never too tired to get up out of your chair and do something about it if they persist.  With mine, after a couple times, usually all I had to do was start to lean forward and they'd concede the point.  Once or twice, I had to actually stand up.  Be sure you're not confusing a disobedience with a simple difference of opinion.  Kids have good ideas too.  Let them know when they do, it will make life better for all of you.
11. Take time to play with your kids, even if it's only simple games.
12. Nothing spoils a nice quiet evening like suddenly announcing to the kids that it is bed time.  Keep an eye on the clock, and when it's five minutes to bedtime, let them know it's five minutes to bedtime.  This gives them a chance to finish what they are doing, a fact you can point out when bedtime arrives.
13. While your kids are still young, Father's Day is not a day when you get to do what you want to do.  It is a day when you are called upon to go places and do things with your kids - and it is better all around if you choose things they like to do.
14. Recognize that nearly everyone gets cranky when they're hungry, even kids.  On long trips or other extended times away from home, make sure everyone gets enough to eat.
15. It's a waste of money to take a toddler to a Theme Park if they'd be just as happy in the Forest Preserve with a bag of stale bread and a flock of ducks.  Theme Parks are for later, when they have peers to impress.
16. To a preschooler, Kiddie Land is just as good as Six Flags.
17. If a little kid says they see something, no matter how illogical it may sound, check it out before you say they don't.  Any child over the age of five probably knows something you don't, even though it may not be very much.
18. Read to your kids.  One of the greatest bargains in the United States is the Public Library. Get a Library Card early, so you'll have access to lots of books.  But on the other hand, you should also be prepared to have to read Trixie, the Circus Puppy for the 218^th time.
19. Your kids will, at least once, try to play one parent against the other.  After all, what is growing up but a constant quest to find out what works and what doesn't?  Don't let this tactic succeed, or it will become a major problem!  If your wife has made a decision you think is unreasonably strict, back her up in front of the kids.  You and she can then discuss the matter privately, and if you can both agree on a more lenient decision, jointly announce it to the kids.  It's easier to grant permission than to take it back.
20. At some time or other, even if you're doing it right, your child will probably say you are the worst parent(s) in the world.
21. Kids above the age of ten are tackling the task of trying to figure out the world.  They need some place where they can be by themselves to think, with clear-cut rules about what they may not do there.  Ours were "No candles, No food you don't finish right away."
22. Choose your battles carefully.  The clothes your kids and their friends wear isn't as important as their strength of character.  Styles have changed since we grew up, and a black leather jacket doesn't mean what it did when we were that age.
23. Some Junior High age kids are going to be as impossible to live with as they are able to, and sometimes more so.  Be prepared for this, remain firm, keep cool, (one of you has to) and be thankful they're going through this now, not later.
24. Just because an eighth grader says they want something, doesn't mean they are still going to want it by the time you actually get it for them.
25. At some point, your kid may say "Don't you trust me?"  Realize there's a big difference between trusting their intentions and trusting their judgment.  Sooner or later, though, you're going to have to trust both.  When are you going to start?
26. Just about the time you think your High-Schooler is doing great, they'll go and do something really stupid.  (Don't we all?)  Let them know you love them anyway.
27. Every age your child will go through has benefits and joys for you, the parent.  Look for them.

My kids have reached their mid-twenties now, and I think it's safe to say they have turned out OK.  We don't see them as often as we'd like, but when we do, a good time is generally had by all.  We now understand why our parents kept wanting us to visit.  Just about the time they become interesting . . .

To the extent to which I can take any credit for it, I'm proud of my kids.  For all that is beyond that, I am deeply thankful.

We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve.  We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly. -- Mark Twain

Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive?  The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults. -- Peter De Vries

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Boys are nature's raw material. -- Saki

Children are messengers we send to a time we'll never see.

A man with three sons is more content than a man with three million dollars, for a man with three million dollars will still want more.